2021-07-20
28 分钟Does it ever feel like you—or someone you know—is always entering a relationship that’s doomed? According to psychology researcher, Dr. Raquel Peel, you may be falling victim to a surprising foe—yourself. Raquel studies “romantic self-sabotage,” the patterns and behaviors that can keep a person from having successful relationships, or justify their failures. In this episode, she outlines common destructive habits to watch out for, and gives guidance on how to recover if you spiral into sabotage. Raquel is a Psychology and Counselling Lecturer at the University of Southern Queensland. Her research interests include relationships, suicide, bullying, stigma, medical education and research methodology. Originally from Brazil, Raquel currently lives in Brisbane, Australia, with her husband Matthew, their two cats Tigre and Patera, Miniature Pinscher, Lobinha, and Doberman, Urso. To learn more about "How to Be a Better Human," host Chris Duffy, or find footnotes and additional resources, please visit: go.ted.com/betterhuman
Ted audio collective.
I'm Chris Duffy, and this is how to be a better human.
Today on the show, let's talk about love, specifically about how sometimes it seems like people keep finding themselves in love with the wrong people over and over and over again.
Maybe you identify with that for yourself, or maybe you immediately thought of a friend or family member who seems to fit that pattern.
Before she met the love of her life, psychology researcher Raquel Peale, she self identified as a romantic self saboteur and her early experiences.
They had affected her attitude and behavior towards love.
Here's how she described it in her TEDx talk.
Hello, my name is Raquel.
I am a recovering romantic self saboteur.
I assume that people in a relationship with me will eventually leave me.
I also assume that all my relationships will fail without much evidence.
Consequently, I am often thinking how best to protect myself.
And I count on the four horsemen of the apocalypse to do the job with criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling.
Just ask my husband.
But let me tell you, it doesn't work.
So a lot of people come to me and ask, how did things change for you?
What happened?
I have been conducting research into what works to maintain long term relationships.
But before I tell you, let me just say we should not be pursuing every relationship that comes our way.
I would like to tell you to pursue those relationships that have the potential to work.