The last time David visited his ailing grandmother, he hid his wedding ring in his pocket. He’d never told her about his identity as a gay, married man. Fearful David’s grandmother would disown him, his family never told her about David’s loving marriage with his husband, Constantino. It was an untruth David lived with until the day she died. Today, David shares how that untruth left a gaping hole in his relationship with his grandmother — and the power of telling the truth in his eulogy.
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Anna Martin: From 'The New York Times, ' I'm Anna Martin.
This is 'Modern Love.'
Today, on the show, we have a story about how,
sometimes, a family is held together by untruths.
These aren't necessarily outright lies,
but they're evasions.
They're avoidances.
They're these silences that cover something up.
The essay is written by David Khalaf.
In his family, the untruth was about
how David is gay and very happily married to a man.
David's whole family kept this a secret from his grandmother.
His essay is called, 'The House Where My Husband Doesn't Exist.'
And it begins with David returning to his hometown to go to a family gathering.
David Khalaf: I rang the doorbell of my grandmother's house,
and then I remembered to pull off my wedding ring.
And I slipped it into my pocket,
and I was someone else, an actor playing a fictional version of me.
When I got married, my family made a decision for my grandmother.