When it came to dating, Aly Tadros was used to hiding the messy parts of her life. “Why even bother? As soon as a guy finds out about my baggage, he bolts,” she wrote in her Modern Love essay. That is, until Dan from OkCupid came along. His dating profile read: “I’m a feminist. I respect women while simultaneously enjoy dominating them.” That was the start of Aly’s journey into B.D.S.M. Today, Aly shares her story about exploring domination and kink, and what it has taught her about setting boundaries and demanding honesty. She calls this mind-set “kink courage” — and it’s changed the way she lives her life.
Anna Martin: From the New York Times,
I'm Anna Martin.
[theme music]
Today, we've got an essay about knowing what you want
and asking for it directly.
That's a very vanilla way of saying
this episode is about kink.
Aly Tadros had no experience with domination in the bedroom,
but she was intrigued.
In her essay,
she tells the story of her first B.D.S.M. relationship,
and then we talk about taking kink outside the bedroom
and how it's changed the way Aly approaches her entire life.
This is Modern Love.
Aly, welcome to the studio.
Aly Tadros: Thank you.
I'm so glad to be here.
Anna Martin: So you're a musician,
why did you write an essay about the story instead of a song?
Aly Tadros: I think because there were so many moments