When Ross Showalter turned 18 and began dating hearing men, he found himself communicating with them on their terms: using spoken language. Years of speech lessons and lip-reading practice forced Ross, who is Deaf, to conform to a society that favors sound. All of these men made the same promise: to learn sign language, only to never follow through. Then, on a spring day in the midst of the pandemic, Ross met Will. Will vowed to shatter the pattern of false promises that had haunted Ross’s dating life. Today, we invite you to carefully listen to Ross’s story, read by the Deaf actor Joshua Castille. Then, stick around to hear host Anna Martin catch up with Ross. Ross explains why it’s so powerful for him to communicate in his own language — American Sign Language — and he shares an update on him and Will. To access a transcript of this episode, visit nytimes.com/mlpodcast.
[theme music]
Anna Martin: From the New York Times,
I'm Anna Martin.
This is Modern Love.
This week's essay is written by a Deaf man
who's been let down by every lover he's ever had.
And then he meets this one guy
who just might give him everything he's ever wanted.
The essay is written by Ross Showalter
and read by Joshua Castille, who's an incredible Deaf actor.
But I hope you listen really closely to this one.
It's called 'A Love Language Spoken with Hands.'
It starts out,
'On a gloomy January day, my phone lit up.
Will had texted me a video.'
Joshua Castille: Will had texted me a video.
Something clenched in my stomach.
In the solitude of my bedroom, I hunched over my phone and pressed 'play.'
In the video, Will stepped back from his phone camera.
He wore a striped polo shirt.