Before Andrew Limbong went off to college, his mother cautioned him about the dire consequences he would face if he hugged a girl. Andrew grew up in a strict Christian household, and his parents are Indonesian immigrants, so they never spoke about sex at home. When Andrew was 20, he met his first girlfriend, Sam. He felt his cultural and parental influences putting “pressure on my blood vessels, not allowing the blood to go where I oh so desperately wanted it to,” he wrote in his Modern Love essay in 2011. According to Andrew’s Muslim American friend, his fears were the result of the “ham sandwich” effect: the feeling of shame when you’re breaking family tradition. Today, we unpack this metaphor — and then we hear from Andrew. He gives us an update about him and Sam (it’s exciting), and he shares advice for others who are struggling to take a bite of their own ham sandwiches. Modern Love has a virtual event coming up: On March 9, we’ll share love stories written by readers and read by the Oscar nominee Ariana DeBose. RSVP at nytimes.com/morningatnight.
Love now.
And did you fall in love last?
Love was stronger than anything.
You love for the love.
Love.
And they love you more than anything.
You're still love.
From the New York Times, I'm Anna Martin.
This is the modern Love podcast.
So every few years, modern love has a college essay contest.
There are thousands of submissions.
Most of them come in at the last minute, like literally the last minute.
These are college subjects, students.
This week's essay was part of the contest back in 2011, and I love how vulnerable the author is in the story.
I was absolutely not this vulnerable at 21.
It's called eating the Forbidden Ham Sandwich, written and read by Andrew Limbaugh.
At eight in the morning, I expected some old woman to be working behind the counter of the pharmacy, the kind of person who usually gets up at 06:00 a.m.
anyway.
Instead, there was this young guy in tight jeans and one of those faux keffia scarves.
When he asked me if I needed anything, I stepped aside to let my girlfriend, Sam, walk up to the counter.