Julie was about 16 when she had her first real girlfriend.
They met at the theater.
The girlfriend was in awe of Julie, but her parents were not.
C'est la femme des haricots, they protested, which translates literally as its the end of the beans.
But they werent talking about beans at all.
Now, what they really meant was, were not having it.
Its the 17th century, and statistically, were quite unlikely to approve our daughters lesbian relationship.
They separated the young couple and locked their daughter up in a convent in far away Avignon.
Well, for Julie, that was the end of her beans.
She rode to Avignon and presented herself at the convent.
Please, she said, can I come and live with you at nuns school?
And, well, the nuns could hardly say no to that.
And Julie was reunited with her teenage lover.
But life in the convent was so boring and so Jesus centric that she was determined to get herself and her girlfriend out of there as soon as possible.
A few weeks after Julies arrival, one of the sisters passed away and was buried in the convent cemetery.
That same night, Julies girlfriend was woken up by a knock at her bedroom door.
It was Julie, carrying the body of a dead and naked nun.
I've got good news, she said, unloaded the corpse into her girlfriends bed.
I see what youre trying to do, said the girlfriend, but wont the sisters see that this woman is not me?
Ah, let me finish, said Julie, and she set the room on fire.