This is the tranquillusionist, in which I, Helen Zaltzman, say some words over serene music by Martin Austwick.
All with the purpose of making you feel relaxed and giving your internal monologue a bit of a break.
No emotional response required.
Previous tranquillusionists have included lists of champion dogs, 282 salads, gay animals, and Australia's big things.
Today we have a collection of x constellations.
Yep, even the patterns of stars get retired or fired on with the tranquillusionist.
When I look up at the night sky and pick out the handful of constellations I can identify.
I'm always beset by one particular thought.
Did this constellation look more like a thing back when there wasn't so much light pollution?
Because I'm not seeing Cassie appear in those five stars.
At best, I could see a paper boat, maybe the shrug emoticon.
Nowadays, there are officially 88 constellations.
According to the International Astronomical Union, or Iaudhe, which formalised that list in the 1920s.
All the other constellations filler garbage, non stellations, am I right?
The official 88 cover the whole sky.
So all points fall into their boundaries.
And the way the IAU defines the constellations is by those boundaries, not by the stars within or the shapes that those stars appear to form.
And when the IAU says a celestial body is in a particular constellation.
They dont necessarily mean it is one of the stars forming the constellation.
It doesnt have to be Orions belt buckle.