From the moment it was released in 1995, The Rules was controversial. Some people loved it—and swore that the dating manual’s throwback advice helped them land a husband. Others thought it was retrograde hogwash that flew in the face of decades of feminist progress. The resulting brouhaha turned the book into a cultural phenomenon. In this episode, Slate’s Heather Schwedel explores where The Rules came from, how it became so popular, and why its list of 35 commandments continue to be so sticky—whether we like it or not. Decoder Ring is produced by Willa Paskin and Katie Shepherd. This episode was edited by Willa Paskin. Derek John is executive producer. Joel Meyer is senior editor/producer. Merritt Jacob is our senior technical director. We’d like to to thank Benjamin Frisch, Rachel O'Neill, Penny Love, Heather Fain, Elif Batuman, Laura Banks, Marlene Velasquez-Sedito, Leigh Anderson, Caroline Smith. We also want to mention two sources that were really helpful: Labour of Love by Moira Weigel, a paper called Shrinking Violets and Caspar Milquetoasts by Patricia McDaniel If you haven’t yet, please subscribe and rate our feed in Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. And even better, tell your friends. If you’re a fan of the show, we’d love for you to sign up for Slate Plus. Members get to listen to Decoder Ring without any ads. Their support is also crucial to our work. So please go to Slate.com/decoderplus to join Slate Plus today. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Hi, Heather.
Hi, Willa.
Heather Schwedel, you are my colleague at Slate and you also regularly cover celebrities.
Yes, and I especially enjoy following their love lives.
On that note, did you see the news about Joshua Jackson from Dawson's Creek?
And Jodie Turner Smith, the model and actress.
Jody Turner Smith and Joshua Jackson are calling it quits.
Jody has filed for divorce from the actor after four years of marriage.
Yeah, I always kind of liked them.
I did, too.
And I noticed this one weird thing.
As I was reading all the comments under posts about them, a lot of people were saying that they knew their marriage was doomed from the start.
How did they know that?
Apparently, Jody Turner Smith was the one who proposed to Joshua Jackson.
And according to all these commenters, that broke an unwritten rule of romance, that the man should be the one to do that.
So they were never going to last.
Hmm.
I don't know.
I don't know what I think about that.
I know, but it caught my attention because I've been thinking about one of the places where rules like this have been written down.