The Relationship between Mother and Son – 395

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How is the relationship between a mother and her son affected by alcholism and addiction? Join us as Amy shares her experience, strength, and hope (and particularly hope), as we explore how her relationship with her son was affected by his alcoholism and addiction. She says “I do wanna clarify, you know, I'm gonna use mother, son cuz that's my experience. But, this can be a parent of a child. It could be a dad and a daughter. It could be a parent of a teen or a young adult or even, you know, an adult child. So it's just the relationship I wanted to focus on. Cause it's unique and the way the disease affects this relationship is unique.” She says, of the generational nature of the disease, “It can go way, way back, and I think that's common and certainly, I am no exception to that. I am a great-granddaughter, probably beyond, granddaughter of the disease. I'm a daughter of the disease. I married the disease and I gave birth to the disease.” And, “about a year ago, I was asking my higher power. When is this gonna be over? I've got 32 years in Al-Anon and ACA, I kind of did them side by side in my recovery work. All my family's in recovery, which is a beautiful gift. When are we gonna be done? I got a really loud and very clear answer, that you will never be done. There will always be the presence of this disease in your life. And right in that moment, I went into acceptance and surrendered, Step one and two. … I guess my my choice is how do I respond to that reality? So that's why I've been in the program for all these years, and it will be a lifelong partnership for me.” She came into Al-Anon because of her husband's alcoholism, and when she realized her then 10-year old son might be affected, “And I got completely overwhelmed by fear. This fear rooted in me that I'd walk back through that door as a mother, having to deal with my son, that I was gonna come back in having to deal with his addictions.” And then, “that happened. Okay. It manifested. But, you know what I found out was I was walking back through that door as a different person. I had everything I needed to face that horrendous challenge. … Now, I didn't know it'd be 25 years of it.” There were years when she didn't know where he was or what he was doing. “I was so worn down and I didn't know if my son was dead or alive. he did move out of the area, which was a blessing. And I believe he was protecting us from watching him in this self-destructive, lifestyle. And I'm grateful. I'm so grateful. It was one less thing that I had to face.” She was feeling hopeless. “A minister at a church I was attending at the time offered counseling. And so I went and I told him this story and I said, I don't sit in toxic, negative stuff very long. I wanna do something about this. and he gave me a really neat suggestion that I'd like to share. He said, when you think of your son, don't think of a drug addict, Shooting up and toothless and all that. He said, think of him full of light, thriving, healthy in recovery, living his best life. He said, if you can't do that right now, he said, go home and find a picture of him when he was a little boy before the active addiction, because that's who he truly is under the disease. That's the light. That's the person who's under that disease. And I said, okay. Cause I do good on homework. I go home, . I found the picture and it opened that crack in the door to rebuild the hope and invite it back to my heart just to crack. And it was enough to get me started. Amy shared something that she would do when she found herself looping down into obsessive thinking.