When you’re interacting with people at work, how often do you find yourself deflecting praise, downplaying your accomplishments, or responding “busy!” when someone asks how you’re doing? Why are those such common habits, especially if they so often leave us feeling fake? Alison Fragale, a professor of organizational behavior, offers an alternative: bring genuine strength and friendliness to everyday interactions because that combination gets women the success we deserve.
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You'Re listening to Women at Work from Harvard Business Review.
Amy I'm Amy Gallo.
Have you ever had one of those aha moments where you realize that the way you've been thinking about an important concept has been all wrong?
I had one of those recently, thanks to Allison Fregale.
She completely shifted my perspective on what it takes for women to get power.
More money, greater authority, the opportunity to influence decisions.
Allison studies organizational behavior, how employees act and interact, which she teaches at the University of North Carolina.
She recently published a book called Likable How Women get the Success they Deserve.
Here's the line from that book that changed my thinking.
Women are not penalized for the presence of assertiveness.
They're penalized for the absence of warmth.
I had always believed that these two qualities, assertiveness and warmth, or in conflict, especially for women.
It's what's known as the double bind, the idea that you have to make a trade off.
You can either be seen as competent by demonstrating your expertise, giving tough feedback, or claiming your authority, or as likable by validating other people's feelings, being personable and making others feel seen.
But you couldn't be both at the same time.
Allison argues that's not true.
In fact, these qualities aren't at odds.
We can and should combine them because that's how we build status, by showing we're capable of getting along and getting things done.