Encore: I'm In Love With My Abuser

Dear Sugars

情感与人际关系

2022-11-04

26 分钟
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For the first time on the podcast, the Sugars answer a voice mail message from the Dear Sugars hotline. The message comes from a woman who reunited with her ex-boyfriend, who once assaulted her. Wracked with shame, she wonders if reconciling with him is acceptable and if it’s possible he’ll change. Esta Soler, president and founder of Futures Without Violence, joins the Sugars to help answer the question: Is it O.K. to love someone who abused you? This episode was originally released on April 21, 2018.
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  • WBUR podcasts Boston.

  • Hi, this is Steve.

  • Just a quick word of warning.

  • We wanted to let you know that we'll be discussing intimate partner violence on this episode.

  • Hello, Steve Allen.

  • Hello, Cheryl straight.

  • Let's get right into it.

  • My story is I fell madly in love with a young man, and he felt madly in love for me.

  • We shared the same dream, to break out of our small hometown and travel to California.

  • And that's exactly what we did.

  • We hopped in our cars and we drove across the country together with no real plan.

  • And it was amazing, except when it wasn't.

  • The more time we spent together was peppered with these arguments, and the arguments grew in intensity.

  • And while we both loved each other very, very much, it seems that neither of us could figure out why our arguments were getting so bad.

  • After about a year out in California together, our arguments had reached a point where they were just straight up nasty.

  • And it gotten to the point where he struck me in my face three times and I experienced feelings of shame and guilt.

  • And, you know, the question of how could I have let myself be, be in a relationship or in a position where my lover has physically hit me?

  • So after that, we split up.

  • He fled 5 hours north and ended up getting checked in and out to a couple mental hospitals.

  • They had an extremely hard time coping with what happened.