This is hidden brain.
I'm Shankar Vedantam.
When you take the wrong turn off the highway or fumble a presentation at work, do you get mad at yourself for making a mistake?
Do you silently kick yourself?
Or maybe actually kick yourself?
Self criticism is often seen as heroic, maybe even noble.
Many people think it's the surest path to self improvement.
But is it?
The belief that we need to be hard on ourselves, criticize ourselves to succeed or reach our goals, or make a change is actually the number one block to self compassion we found in the research.
People are afraid that they're kind to themselves.
They just won't get anything done.
This week on hidden brain, the story of a psychologist who learned to stop beating up on herself and how you can convert your harsh inner critic into a friend.
People who are more self compassionate take more responsibility for their mistakes.
They're more conscientious.
They're more likely to apologize.
Ironically, even though the word self is in self compassion, when you take that approach, it actually means you don't have to be so self focused.
Kristin Neff's father left the family when she was a very small child.
It was the late 1960s, and he decided he was going to be a hippie.
He picked up and moved to Hawaii.
One of my first memories is going to visit him when I was about six years old in Maui, and him telling me, please don't call me dad, call me brother Dionysius, because we are all God's children.