2024-05-09
1 小时 4 分钟In a great relationship, even during conflict, the ratio of positive emotions to negative emotions was five to one, five times as much positivity as negativity.
But in unhappy relationships, it's like negativity is like one of those whirlpools that just spiral down and people can't dig out of it.
They're caught in this trap, this whirlpool of negativity.
But in good relationships, they have so much of a cushion of positive emotion that they easily escape.
When negativity hits, they can exit as well as they.
And in unhappy relationships, they can't exit.
They can enter, but they get sucked into it and they can't get out.
So when you think about the experience that so many people pretty much say makes life worth living, the word love tends to come up pretty often, and a ton of questions tend to follow.
How do you find it?
How do you keep it?
Can you keep it?
Is staying in love something that is mythical?
You only see it in the movies and tv.
Is it a skill set that you develop?
What are the things that tend to trip people up?
And what can you do to really build beautiful relationships that allow you to stay in love for life?
Is that even possible?
That is where I go in my conversation today with John and Julie Gottman.
They are sort of luminaries in the field of relationships and love, founders of so something that has become known as the love lab, where for decades they have studied relationships, successful, disastrous, and really been able to deconstruct and figure out what are the things that go into creating and sustaining extraordinarily beautiful in love, deeply committed relationships for long times.
They have a new book out called eight dates as well, which is really fantastic.