2022-06-13
57 分钟Under individualism and patriarchy, you can either be connected or you can be powerful, but you can't be both.
At the same time, leading men and women and non binary folk into intimacy is synonymous with leading them.
Beyond patriarchy and this culture of individualism, it's really a new frontier for all of us.
So what if being fiercely self reliant and individualistic was actually kind of a terrible thing?
I know, I know, it sounds silly, right?
I mean, isn't that the very thing we're told to strive for from the youngest age and especially in our culture now as adults?
The problem is living in a me first or a me over you world is not only destroying our personal relationships, it's destroying us, our states of mind and even our physical well being and intimacy.
Deep connectedness, even reliance on and elevating others, just might be the solution to much of what ails us.
Now.
That idea may sound a little bit strange at first.
It's hard to argue that the rise of a wildly individualistic society has also gone hand in hand with the destruction of social bonds and friendship, mental health, and nearly every marker of health in communities as well.
It turns out that as humans, we're all designed to be in relationship with each other, to experience the positive effects of connectedness.
And when that breaks down, well, so do we.
And today's guest, Terry Real, who likes to joke that he began his career as a family therapist at the age of drives home this point in a fascinating conversation on intimacy, interconnectedness, trauma, relationships, and the power of us, especially at this moment in time.
Terry is an internationally recognized family therapist, speaker and author.
He founded the Relational Life Institute, offering workshops for couples, individuals and parents, and a professional training program for clinicians to learn his relational life therapy methodology.
In addition to being a therapist and a teacher for over 25 years now, Terry is also the best selling author of I Don't Want to talk about it, how can I get through to you?
And the new rules of marriage and his new book, us getting past you and me to build a more loving relationship.
It's a guide not just for couples, but also for really all human beings, filled with tools and advice and help for anyone to tap into their most collaborative and relational self.
In today's conversation, we dive into all these different topics with Terry, and he shares his own story of growing up in a pretty dysfunctional home.